Keep Your Airspeed Low and Your Ponytail Lower

Photo Credit: www.alamy.com

“Chill, Korean Air, Chill,” I mutter under my breath. Nothing irks me more than being interrupted on the radio. Except for people that drive in the emergency lane. And sentimental hoarders. Unless they hoard cocoa flavoured hand cream. Cocoa flavoured hand cream is good.

My left pointer finger hover over the SELCAL reset key. Right on cue, the buzzer sounds. I jab.

“SELCAL check okay, will maintain SELCAL watch,” I inform Manila radio.

I grab a green tea and settle back in my seat. Feet raised, I place them on the foot rest. My free hand reaches to give my ponytail a little tug. Three words bestowed upon two- bars- first- officer me: Low. Ponytail. Always. Or, fix a high one if you relish craning your neck like a murder victim for the next 8 hours.

Shoulders squared, I brace. I sense a battle close at hand.

The battle of Chow Ping vs. eyelids.

They feel heavy, so I flutter them to ease some life back. My circadian rhythm screams “no!”, my brain says “bitch, you don’t have a choice”.

A sudden gust of clear air turbulence jolt some zing into me. Captain twirls the speed selector knob and announce “I’m going to reduce the speed”.

I nod. A joker recommended that pilot seats include a built in feature that startle the occupant at intervals, just to be sure the pilot is awake.

I yawn. Jolly good idea, pal. What a freaking good idea.

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